Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
