Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
