Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
