onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
