Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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