Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
