I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
