i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
