You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm too high and old for this...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
