No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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