Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
