mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
