the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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