I wanna bring you to show and tell
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
