Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize