how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
