I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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