If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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