Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
