whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
