I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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