I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
