just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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