i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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