My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
