You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How's work?
Spinning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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