I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize