she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
