I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
