It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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