Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
