Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
