I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
