ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
