3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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