K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
