She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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