Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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