wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
