There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
