You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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