I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
