are you still at the devil's house?
This girl is more easily done than said...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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