last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize