he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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