were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
