I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
