I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
