Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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