I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
