I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
