so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he laminated a picture of his dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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