took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
