Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
