you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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