fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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