I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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