swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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