Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
