I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
