i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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