you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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