is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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