Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
